Perspective

I am back from my trip to Austin, and the visit triggered much thinking. I recall how while preparing for the trip, fond memories stirred in my head. Memories of being near family, the nostalgic places I wished to revisit, as well as the fond memories of my income level the last few years I lived there. Yes, Austin was my home base. It was something familiar, and something I knew well.

When God moved us from Austin to Florida, I struggled with the emotional pain of not having easy access to family members, as well as frustration about having to leave behind the state in which my massage therapy license was valid. I had many things to give up, and I fought with God about many of them. Even when I finally "surrendered to what God was doing", I found that I had the occasional root of bitterness spring up in me from time to time due to those factors. Through this, I realized that a sacrifice made out of love and obedience is a beautiful thing, but one made out of half heartedness and bitterness is an ugly thing.


I still have a soft spot in my mind for Austin, and I enjoyed seeing family. All of that aside, the trip made me realize something. It made me realize that I'm not exactly who I used to be. I began to wonder what has changed in my identity.

Many times I've heard people talk about "Finding yourself". I discovered, through much pain, that by yielding to the will of God, giving yourself up, giving your identity up, giving your income potential up, while not holding any bitterness for what you've given up, will give you a different identity. A better identity. I am still striving towards that better identity. The path isn't always easy, and there are many demons that mock along the way....so threatened by seeing a human being conforming to the image of Christ.

Love is a funny thing. We like to equate it with feelings of happiness and our needs being met, but all along, love is the opposite of selfishness. So, sometimes it hurts.

There are two kinds of people. 1) People who can, through God's strength, love even though it hurts and not be bitter and 2) People who love, but are bitter about the pain it causes, and therefore spend the rest of their lives miserable because they feel someone they "loved" did them wrong, or didn't do what they would have wanted.

The latter of the two are angry people. They are angry about what they have given up in the name of love. They are angry. Very angry. Not able to forgive, their faces grow bitter. Their anger turns outward. Part of them loves, while the other part of them causes destruction because of the pain of love. They are in constant battle with themselves.

If love is supposed to be a selfless thing, then why do so many of us try to love selfishly? What is the motive behind our love? Why are we still trying to hang onto things to be bitter about?

May God place within our hearts the ability to love like He has love us... And the strength to give up any bitterness or resentment that we have been holding onto. Grace and love are still there, if only the angry person will accept it.

Hopefully this post makes sense. I came back from the trip sick as a dog, and I'm writing with a fever.

The whole point is: What is the motivation behind your love?